Almost laughable

Another Saturday sitting on the couch. Just about 15 hours. Yet watching a movie and you could not be parted from your beloved. *DING* Check. Scroll. *DING * Check. Scroll.  Two hours.
Mid-movie you asked how they had lights in a squatters house and I said "don't you remember what he said 20 minutes ago? " You "no." Maybe you should try being present. Just once.

Had a pre-ok appointment this week. Am feeling really anxious about the procedure,  not the biopsy so much. I am sad because I don't trust you. I don't feel safe in your care. Yet I can't tell you any of this.
Fear.
Anxiety.
Lonely.

Anniversary gift

Our typical Friday night, well any night really, get home from work, sit on the couch, watch tv, go to bed. Boring. Completely and utterly boring.
Tonight during this ritual Sly mentions that @susanorlean tweeted that her husband for her a Gumby for their anniversary today. He laughed. I didnt. You are for the last 5 anniversaries I have received nothing. I do get 2 or 3 mushy, gooey cards processing love and best friend status.
But to be friends don't you have to talk to that person? An occasional conversation besides the latest Twitter hashtag game?

Loneliness creeps up on you, it seeps into every fiber of your being until all you are is alone.