I am completely and utterly bewildered how we go from ok, even fine, to raging anger. From sitting on the couch and by the time you walk to the kitchen you are slamming dishes, doors, angry sighing; completely passive aggressive.
And I don't know why. Let the dogs out to bathroom before bed. You also went to the bathroom. And then slam, bang, asshole.
I am so tired of living in fear. Walking on eggshells. Leary of every movement. Not knowing what will set you off this time.
I grew up in an abusive home. Emotionally, psychologically, developmentally. I swore I would not live like this when I grew up.
Now look at me. A fucking victim in my own home; my own life.
And I don't have a clue as to why.
I truly hate feeling so weak. Afraid of every word, every breath.
And I don't know how to fix it.
I share words of wisdom with people about how they should hold out for someone who inspires them, supports them, loves and care la for them. And yet, I have none of that.
Is this what I deserve? Mother told me I was "jailbait" and men only wanted one thing from me; and that I was brainless. Father and his cousin Dorothy told me I was "fat, desperate, and needy and no one was ever going to love me."
I just want to know why...
