Technology

Thousands of words have been written about the impact of technology on relationships. I met my husband online and I lost him to the same device. Lonely does not begin to accurately begin to describe the feeling.  Years.  This has been going on for years.  I envy happiness.  I sadly look at others and think..."How??"  How are you happy and I am not.  How do you have your spouse I am do not.  

Lonely.

Tall, Dark Mystery

I dreamt of you today. Tall. Dark hair. Commonly handsome. White dress shirt. Starched yet relaxed. Jeans. You cared about me. You made me feel special. Warm. Safe. I can feel your presence. Intense feelings. So very real. As I woke I became afraid. You had betrayed me. Were coming after me. I remembered the feeling of you. Feeling cared for. Loved even. Warmth. Strength. Something to hold on to. Literally. I woke up wanting to hold you. One more time.

In reality no one loves me that way. No one holds me. Consumes my being. It has been over nineteen months. Fear is what I hold now. Sadness. Shame. Lost. Adrift. I am ugly. Mundane. Manly even. Hideous. Gross. I look in from the outside on love. On you. I can still feel you.