I dreamt of you today. Tall. Dark hair. Commonly
handsome. White dress shirt. Starched yet relaxed. Jeans. You cared
about me. You made me feel special. Warm. Safe. I can feel your
presence. Intense feelings. So very real. As I woke I became afraid. You
had betrayed me. Were coming after me. I remembered the feeling of you.
Feeling cared for. Loved even. Warmth. Strength. Something to hold on
to. Literally. I woke up wanting to hold you. One more time.
In reality no one loves me that way. No one holds me.
Consumes my being. It has been over nineteen months. Fear is what I hold
now. Sadness. Shame. Lost. Adrift. I am ugly. Mundane. Manly even.
Hideous. Gross. I look in from the outside on love. On you. I can still
feel you.
